Why Did I Buy This Shiny Sequin Crop Top?

Date of Purchase:  During the crop top craze of 2010  Times Worn:  2  Re-Donate:  Nah

I haven't posted in awhile and I apologize to those who actually like this blog.  Good news though, classes are back, which means I have more time to procrastinate.

I know that I have already posted two sequin tops, I promise I do buy junk other than sequined crap.

The only thing I remember about buying this top was that the bare midriff was suddenly "in" again. I went crazy buying crop tops because the last time showing some belly was "in" was when my mother deemed me to young to wear such a thing. So naturally in this crop top phase, I had to buy a sequined one.

I believe I ultimately bought it with the intention of wearing out to some really indie, hipster event to outdo everyone else. I have only worn it twice though. The first time was out to eat at the restaurant where I work. The second was when I thought I was going to some indie, hipster event, but instead ended up at a friends house making grilled mac & cheese sandwiches (the Mecca of sandwiches btw). So much for my big plans.

I'm not willing to let this one go though. I envision myself wearing this on New Year's Eve to ring in the last year of the world. So go ahead 2012, "Mega M'Day."

Why Did I Buy This Kiddie Pool?

Date of Purchase:  Summer 2010  Times Used:  4 times  Re-Donate:  Hell No

I know this isn't an article of clothing, but I just feel like I don't need to limit myself to just fashion.  I used it today because the big pool was closed, even though it feels like a million degrees outside.  Thus I was inspired for this blog post, because this is really only the 4th time I've used it since I bought it.

First I had to move it from it's resting position leaning against a tree where it doubled as a shady shelter for my goofy-ass dog.  It had dirt caked on the walls, so I attempted to scrub, but didn't get far before I decided to just fill it up with and add some bubble bath.  I figured clean dirt is better than dirty dirt.  Then I got in and the freezing water took away the hellish feeling of the day.  Maybe that is what that loony Christian guy was talking about Judgement Day being on May 21st, Hell on Earth was just a synonym for summer in Columbia, SC.  I posed for this photo and then shortly after Louie (goofy-ass basset hound) jumped in, because he has to be by my side where ever I go.

I used this opportunity to give him a bath and some puppy love.

Though I am not sure what exactly I was planning to do with this pool when I bought it, I think after today I will keep it.  I'm sure it will come in handy on one summer day when everyone is looking for a pool, I'll even charge admission.

Why Did I Buy This Old Lady Jumpsuit?

Date of Purchase: 4 months ago  Times Worn:  0  Re-Donate: yes

Oh my, my, my.  I feel like I need to offer a public apology for this one.  I know what I was thinking when I bought this onesie, but I believe I may have deranged and delusional.  I plead temporary insanity.

The pant legs actually go all the way to the floor, but in my head I pictured them rolled up to give the appearance of a bohemian type day outfit, and it was adorable (like I said, delusional)  This is the first time I have ever put this "thing" on and I have found that not only is it hideous and outdated, it is also too big for me.  Though, I will admit, looking at this photo, I can see what I may have been going for when I purchased it, and I have to say I was pretty ballsy.

Maybe I will wear this again one day when I go parachuting, which will be never.

Why Did I Buy This Old Lady Sequin Top?

Date of Purchase: 2 years ago?  Times Worn:  0  Re-Donate: yes

This top looks like something my grandmother's, grandmother's nanny may have given to her grandmother.

Alright, so I didn't actually buy this myself, but I was there when my best friend bought it.  I did not intervene, I may have even encouraged it, so therefore I feel I may be equally responsible for this mess.

I can't completely put my finger on why, but this top reminds of something the last Grand Duchess of Russia, Anastasia, may have worn.  Though to honest this piece should have been put to rest along with the rumors of her surviving.  Most people do not know that Scientists confirmed through DNA that she did not survive.  SERIOUSLY?! Scientists really are buzzkills.  Apparently my best friend must have thought she was the  long lost Grand Duchess when she bought this top.  So much for that little girl fantasy of growing up to find out she is long, lost royalty.

Why Did I Buy This Old Lady Sailor Shirt?

Date of Purchase: over a year ago Times Worn: 2  Re-Donate: no

I would imagine this was a top designed with America's aging baby boomer generation in mind.

This was bought during a summer full of Regina Spektor and blurred memories.  It was a thrift visit that occured directly after a session of singing "Maryanne's a bitch" at the top of our lungs in the car.  For some reason this top is an illustration of this song, perhaps just for the title, "Sailor Song," and not for the actual content of said song. Like I said, blurred memories. 

In reality this shirt is hideous, but I have worn it twice in an attempt to prove to myself it was worth the whole $0.30 I paid for it.  Though, I believe the second time was just on an outfit repeat, (I am a huge fan of recycling outfits) so that may not actually count.

I doubt I will be parting with this shirt any time soon just because it represents so many memories and is so fantastically gaudy.

Why Did I Buy This Red Sequin Top?

 Date of Purchase: May 2010  Times Worn:  0  Tags still on:  yes  Re-Donate:  yes

Sequins are not "in," and red is not my color.  I don't really care how "hip" that hipster is, no one could, or should be able to pull this off anymore.  This died in with the 80's, no zombie tops please.  

It is not clear to me what was going through my head when I bought this bloody disco ball of a top.  Perhaps it was the shear excitement of the sequins, the "oh pretty" effect, I mean we are all attracted to shiny things.  Or maybe my male interest at the time was obsessing over the color red, and this top was my subconscious effort to please him (damn that female instinct.)  This red sequin nightmare actually has place in his poetry, where he is "Dreaming of red sequin shirts."  

(Eva's butt)

This shirt appears to be the cousin of Eva Las Vegas' derby skinz, or maybe they are even her booty shorts in disguise?  Maybe some tush mojo will rub off on me.